Building a Life Worth Living

So, recently I’ve undergone a series of challenges not often spoken of, especially not in the realm of Christianity and the “church”. I thought I would share these challenges and especially my journey through them.
I returned from my first deployement to the “sandbox” in June of this year. My time in Iraq was a great learning experience and an eye opener. I found myself in situations there that I never dreamed I would be in. I now find myself in situations where I said, “I will never be like “THOSE” people~!” Now that I AM one of THOSE people, my perspective has changed, DRAMATICALLY! To put it lightly, I’ve been diagnosed with chronic PTSD, which is Combat related, as well as Anxiety Disorder with Agoriphobia (fear of Open Spaces). This condition I find myself in is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It alters a person to their very core. Things that you never thought about doing, now are a struggle. For instance, I bet you never thought that simply going to the grocery store took any sort of planning or effort; however, for me it is an enormous ordeal. It requires mapping out the store, what food is found in what isle and what is the most expedient way to gather all the goods I need and get out of the store as quickly as possible. What happens if someone tries to speak to you? What if you have a flashback while in the store? I can’t adequetly describe how hard it is for me to accomplish mundane ordinary tasks, let’s just say that my first time trying, I ended up literally crawling out of the store and spending the next 2 hours sitting inside my truck in a crying fit. It is incredibly humbling for me to admit that. For those of you who know me, it is crystal clear as to why. I’ve never been “that guy”. So, how does this relate to the title “Building a Life Worth Living”? This is just the introduction into what God is pouring out to me in my own journey. It has started with a complete emptying out of all that I built myself up to be, all the walls I had built around myself, and all that the world said I should hold onto. I now sit, naked and alone, with no pretense or falsivity to my thoughts or identity. I have been tested by fire and found that all I had used to build my house upon were burned away, only the foundation remains. That foundation, Our Lord and Savior – JESUS – is all that remains. And I’m glad! What I want to share with you is the rebuilding process. This is going to be raw; this is going to be real! I’m not going to hold anything back. IF HE shows it to me, I’m going to show it to you. Every emotion, every thought, every action will be laid bare for all to see. Hopefully, as I journey through this time of rebuilding, someone here may relate and may be ministered to. That is all I can hope for. So, as we begin our Journey, I ask only for you to be patient and have an open mind for what the Spirit of God is doing in my life…and maybe….just maybe….He may have something to say that applies to all of us!

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